Monday, September 15, 2008

Poignant

This morning we woke up to temperatures in the 50's and breezy dryness. It feels like autumn! Now, knowing Arkansas, this will likely just be to whet our appetite before the real autumn arrives. Probably next week we'll be back to sauna-weather. But today, it feels so refreshing and cool! Totally energizing. I woke up and went running for the first time in a couple of months.

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Yes, that was the actual color of the sky! No Photoshop involved! :)

 

Came back and decided that it was a good time to clean my range. (That right there shows you how good I was feeling!) I got out the Bar Keeper's Friend and finished the two on the right, and then it hit.

It was autumn the last time I scrubbed my range like this. I used Bar Keeper's Friend for the job then, too, for the first time. I was carrying Benjamin and talking to Janice as she washed the dishes. She was teasing me about something. It all came back so vividly and powerfully. Bittersweet feelings.

The sweet is starting to balance out the bitter a little more, but it still hurts to have such poignant memories. Oh, how I wish I could go back and feel Benjamin inside me again. How I wish I were cleaning up his messes instead of tending his grave!

I remember telling Janice that day, "It's a good thing I'm getting this done before he comes, because I know it'll be a long time before I ever get to it again!" Worrying about getting things in order because taking care of a baby makes it hard to get anything done. If I knew then what I know now, I would have noticed and remarked every little kick or nudge from inside. I would have talked to him more. I would have tried even harder to remember every detail of every day of pregnancy. I would not have worried a single bit about the state of my house with the pending arrival of a new baby. (Remind me of this when I AM pregnant again! :)

 

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If you're reading this, and you have a cute little rugrat crawling around--maybe you're even wishing you had time to clean your range--give that little one a big squeeze today and feel extra grateful to feel him/her in your arms!

I'm off to play with Hummer. I thank Thee, Heavenly Father, for Hummer!

~ Mama

 

P.S.  The other half of the stove can wait till the boys are asleep. :)

6 comments:

Becky said...[Reply to comment]

It makes the song, "Home on the Range" have new meaning. It seems that sweet (and hard) realizations come at the most unexpected times. How we love our Benjamin!

Mom/Nana/A. Nancy said...[Reply to comment]

You are amazing, Michelle! You have learned so much in the last year to help me, yourself, your famiy, and mothers with young children. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings!

snbjork said...[Reply to comment]

You certainly have learned a lot this past year. Your experience has helped me to grow and to appreciate my children more. Not that I remember that every minute of every day. But, I am certainly trying to remember to savor every little hug, every "I love you, Mommy!", every new milestone.

Alton is sick today and it makes me so sad to see him just lying around, lethargic and pitiful. I sure love that little boy!

Call me tonight if you get the chance. I haven't talked to you in too long!

Mom/Nana/A. Nancy said...[Reply to comment]

What a blue, blue sky! Is Bar Keeper's Friend like cleanser? I haven't ever heard of it before.

Jen said...[Reply to comment]

We love you Michelle. I'm so thankful to have you for a sister-in-love!

Andre said...[Reply to comment]

I loved this post. I have thought the same.