Monday, November 26, 2007

From Fluffy's pen(cil)

Fluffy's teacher sent a couple of assignments for him to do while we were gone. :)

"What I Liked About the Trip to Arizona"

Our trip to arizona was seventeen hours long! I really loved the suprises and movies. We wached meet the robensens and ratitouie. both of them were Good! We had four stops to go to the bathroom. two of them were to get gas. We Got two suprises. the first one was 2+1=3 pacagase of candy and there was a toy to put the candy in and we pushed the head to make the candy come out and the second one was a ball that we could scuish and stretch and bounce.

"Uncle Mark and Aunt Amanda's Wedding"
Amanda and Mark came out of the temple! We took lots and lots of pictures. and then we had lunch at the church. it was so fun!

Coming back

We just arrived back this morning from our trip to Arizona. I picked up and left with Mom only a week after my C-section. Crazy, I know, but Mom had to go because Grandpa Bailey had passed away and we decided it was best for me to go with her so she could keep taking care of me and the boys. This also made it possible for me to attend Mark's wedding as well as Grandpa's funeral, and have Thanksgiving with the family. Chris flew out the night before Thanksgiving, and we drove home together.

It was so comforting to convalesce with Mom and Dad to take care of me--and to continue the grieving process surrounded by my wonderful family. To come home today was really hard. All of Benjamin's clothes and baby blankets are still neatly folded on the shelves of the changing table. I cried and cried when we passed the hospital on the freeway.

Here is a quote I found in an email from Aunt Kathie, who also went through the grief of having a stillborn baby:
In a sermon by Joseph Smith in March 1842, he said, "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice, as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."

If only it felt like it would be "soon"! The years of mortality stretch ahead of me and I want my baby so badly right now! I just have to remember the eternal perspective I felt while in the Snowflake Temple this past week. Our time here on earth is truly short, but so crucial. There in the Celestial Room I felt strength to continue serving and enduring well. Oh, may I continue to feel it here in the midst of my current reality!

Please continue to pray for me/us! It's still so hard.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Footprints on my heart

Our beautiful new son

We had a precious new addition to our family on November 3, 2007. Benjamin Robert Baker was born at 8:18am, weighing 7 lbs, 3 ozs, and measuring 20 inches long. He was absolutely beautiful, with light, curly hair, and very long fingers and feet. He had died in the womb about 2 1/2 days previously, because of two knots in the umbilical cord, which was also wrapped twice around his neck.
It was a precious day, our only day in mortality to enjoy this sweet son. We were able to hold him and be with him for several hours, a time that I will always treasure deeply. It was a sacred time.
We buried Benjamin on the following Tuesday, Nov. 6th, the day before he was to have been born. The graveside service was so comforting and peaceful. There were many friends there, and several of our beloved family members, and the day was crisp and sunny.
It is hard for me to share many of my thoughts about this on this blog, as they are so personal and sacred to me. But let me just say that the Spirit has been very close during this time. I know that Heavenly Father is mindful of us, and that Benjamin is safe with Him now. I also know that because of temple covenants, Benjamin is ours forever! How I rejoice in the knowledge of the resurrection! One day all things will be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I miss my sweet baby so dearly, but now look forward with deep anticipation to the day when he will be returned to me, never again to be separated!