Coming back

We just arrived back this morning from our trip to Arizona. I picked up and left with Mom only a week after my C-section. Crazy, I know, but Mom had to go because Grandpa Bailey had passed away and we decided it was best for me to go with her so she could keep taking care of me and the boys. This also made it possible for me to attend Mark's wedding as well as Grandpa's funeral, and have Thanksgiving with the family. Chris flew out the night before Thanksgiving, and we drove home together.

It was so comforting to convalesce with Mom and Dad to take care of me--and to continue the grieving process surrounded by my wonderful family. To come home today was really hard. All of Benjamin's clothes and baby blankets are still neatly folded on the shelves of the changing table. I cried and cried when we passed the hospital on the freeway.

Here is a quote I found in an email from Aunt Kathie, who also went through the grief of having a stillborn baby:
In a sermon by Joseph Smith in March 1842, he said, "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice, as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again."

If only it felt like it would be "soon"! The years of mortality stretch ahead of me and I want my baby so badly right now! I just have to remember the eternal perspective I felt while in the Snowflake Temple this past week. Our time here on earth is truly short, but so crucial. There in the Celestial Room I felt strength to continue serving and enduring well. Oh, may I continue to feel it here in the midst of my current reality!

Please continue to pray for me/us! It's still so hard.