Sunday, December 30, 2007

Finding joy right now

Lately I have been praying often to be able to enjoy my life right now, and not be so focused on the past and the future. Today I was blessed to really find joy in just spending time with my sons. We worked on their memory books (taking turns so I could be with them one-on-one), and wrote in their journals (they like it when I write while they dictate), and coming up with some goals for the new year.

Each one of my sons is so precious to me. I imagine how Heavenly Father feels as He watches me attempt to raise them well. I imagine that He cringes at some of my mistakes, but if He could instruct me personally I think He would say, "Just love them as deeply as you can. That will make up for the silly mistakes, as long as you keep loving them like I love them." It is an amazing trust He has placed in us as parents, to allow us to learn to be like Him through trial and error teaching our children, who are really His children! Today as I looked into their eyes and heard some of their deepest feelings, I sensed the nobility of their spirits and was awed at the love I have for them and they for me.

I have read that the challenge of grieving is learning to integrate the loss into normal life. My amazing extended family has helped so much with this. My parents and siblings gave Benjamin a very special Christmas gift that was the highlight of Christmas day for me and DC and gives us a way to include him every year in our Christmas celebration. It brought so much comfort to have something just for him on Christmas morning. And also Chris's sweet sister Ginger and her husband had our names for Christmas, and they gave me a BEAUTIFUL necklace, with Benjamin's birthstone in the pendant. I have loved having it because it gives me a physical reminder of him continually while I go about my day.


Nana/Mom said...[Reply to comment]

Tears streamed down my face as I read your beautiful entry! You are blessed with four noble sons. They are lucky to have you and Chris as their parents. Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts with us on your blog and on the phone. You are an example of making motherhood a great nobility.

Becky said...[Reply to comment]

You are amazing to me, Michelle. I love you. Your sister