Day 46 - { "Our Christmas Eve Miracle", part 3 }

~ read parts 1 and 2 here and here ~

"And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today."

~Exodus 14:13

Heavenly Hands, Greg Olsen

We sat there for a while as I cried and we tried to decide what to do. I was ravenously hungry, and DC gave me some of the food he had brought for his own sustenance at the hospital. I had only a little bit of water left in my handy hospital water bottle, and realized that if I were to be able to take my painkiller I had better save the rest.

We looked at the Interstate ahead in helpless frustration. I-30 eastbound was a parking lot. I-30 westbound, the direction we needed, was completely empty because of the police-block. Suddenly a helicopter flew overheard right in that direction, and I called out, “Please, take us with you!!”  DC chuckled good-naturedly at his rather strange wife. Finally we decided to head back towards Little Rock, wondering aloud if maybe we could find a different way home that was open.

After heading back the wrong way, I thought I saw a car going on I-30 westbound. I called to DC to pull over. We pulled over in an abandoned gas station, and looked more closely. No, there were no cars getting through still.

I completely lost my composure at this point. I was filled with anxiety and fear over what would happen to us if we were stranded -- a three-day old baby in a cold car, with very little food and water, and the pain that I had to stay on top of, somehow. . . .I was sinking into complete panic. Poor DC had to be the strong one—I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence from crying too hard. He finally said, “I think this would be a good time to say a prayer.”

I don’t remember anything that he said. But I will never forget the unmistakable peace that settled on me during that prayer. I stopped crying. Chris stopped praying. Both of us sat there silently. Rosemary had been sleeping this whole time. It was now 1pm. Neither of us knew what to do still.

DC said, “Maybe if we head back towards Little Rock, we’ll see a way to turn around and go back the right way.” I said, “Okay,” and we started out again. He went onto the ramp that said it went to Little Rock.

And here’s the part that neither of us can explain.

After a minute or two of driving in those roundabout ramp-things, suddenly we found ourselves on the access road on the other side of the freeway, heading towards home! And we were past where the police had blocked it off!

I gasped, “How did we get here?!” DC said, “I have no idea.” And I said, “Well, keep driving!”

We were eight miles from the exit to our house. In stunned amazement, we drove past eight miles of stranded cars completely stopped on the other side of the freeway. Past news trucks and broadcasting towers sitting in the middle of our side of the freeway. Past deep water on both sides of the access road.

It was the most surreal thing I have ever experienced. As the miles passed, DC said, “How are we doing this?” And I said, “I don’t know. Keep driving!” I felt like I knew exactly how the Israelites must have felt, passing through the Red Sea on dry ground, with walls of water on either side.

I kept praying fervently, “Please let us get home. Please let us get home.”

Finally, unbelievably, we got to [our town]. As I saw the familiar parking lot of the Walmart by our house, I thought to myself, “Now that we've made it here, Mom and Dad could even rescue us in the Suburban if we needed.” But, we kept driving.

The main streets of [our town] were very clogged with people trying to get through to the state highway, an alternate to I-30 that was also supposedly closed. As I continued praying non-stop we crawled through, inching along through the traffic, till we got to our neighborhood.

We pulled onto our street. Still praying. And then into our driveway. I started crying again, this time out of sheer amazement and gratitude. It was now 1:30pm, time for my next dose of medicine.

With rain falling, instead of the lacy flakes of snow I had envisioned, I joyfully unbuckled Rosemary from her carseat and came inside to the excited shrieks of our sons, and the amazed tears of Mom and Dad.

Oh, how good it was to be home! I felt like now there could be any weather outside and I would still feel peaceful and happy! Exacto and Fluffy and Hummer all gave hugs and kisses to us and their sweet new baby sister, and they and my parents listened in grateful joy to our story. I told my boys, “Your prayers got us home today.”

Oh, how overwhelmingly thankful l felt to Heavenly Father for giving us this special miracle! Not only had He brought us the long-cherished hope of a new baby in our family, but He even made sure we were home for Christmas Eve, as our sons had prayed.

No helicopter needed.

 

I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust. . . .

In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. . . .

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. . . .

The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted. . . .

Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O Lord, . . . .and sing praises unto thy name.

~Psalm 18

{ The loving kindness of our God } or "Our Christmas Eve Miracle", part one

How do you capture the wind on the water?

How do you count all the stars in the sky?

How can you measure the love of a mother?

Or how can you write down a baby's first cry?

~ Candlelight Carol, John Rutter

Rosemary's birth was a flawless C-section. The same amazing nurse who took care of us the day we had Benjamin was my nurse again. (Love you so much, Jaime!!) And the same doctor delivered the baby. It was even in the same operating room, Jaime told me, as she led me in. Surely Benjamin was there with us, watching over us with joy and maybe even helping things go well.

 

The story of what happened to us three days later, on Christmas Eve, to me is a story of the loving kindness of Heavenly Father. I have written it journal-style, and want to tell it to you (somewhat edited) in 3 separate posts. It is important enough to me to tell it well. . . and a newborn really does a number on your schedule, eh? :) awesome.

 

So here is "Our Christmas Eve Miracle", part one. . . .

We knew for most of the year that 2009’s Christmas would be a very special one. Our new baby was due right around that time. As the time drew closer, and a birth date of 12/21 was scheduled, the doctor told me that the baby and I would likely come home on Christmas Eve.

The anxieties of this pregnancy were greatly sharpened by the trauma of having lost Benjamin so close to his due date with my last pregnancy. I felt like each day I had to learn again to walk by faith. Sometimes “the waves grew boisterous” like when Peter walked on the water, and I would panic and start to sink.

Gratefully, my sons’ faith was strong and pure enough that they looked forward whole-heartedly to December 21^st, knowing that Heavenly Father would bless us to bring this baby home. They prayed every single day for Rosemary to be born safely, and we talked about it endlessly, how wonderful it would be.

Then came that beautiful morning when I heard my daughter’s first cry after she was pulled from my womb. The joy and gratitude and relief I felt at that moment are impossible to describe. When she was placed in my arms I could hardly believe it wasn’t a dream. Here was a living, breathing, healthy-pink baby, and she was mine!

That first day and night are a happy haze in my memory. Mom and DC were right there for her birth, and Dad came in soon after. Later Dad picked up the boys from school and brought them to the hospital to visit, and I thought I would burst with the joy and love I felt, watching them hold her. That night she and I were awake pretty much the whole night, and I nursed her and stared at her in awe, not even wanting to sleep.

 

The next day as I called Mom to check in on how the boys were doing, missing them, she mentioned that Fluffy had prayed that Rosemary and I would be able to come home from the hospital safely. That startled me a little. I felt a bit like there was nothing to pray for now that my deepest wish for the past two years had been granted! I realized that for my sweet sons at home, things were still much like last time. They had come to see me and Benjamin in the hospital then, too. But then I came home. . . .alone.

I commented to Mom something to that effect, and said, “I guess for them we’re not out of the woods yet.”

On Wednesday, two days after her birth, it started to rain. A lot. I heard that it was also supposed to rain the next day, Christmas Eve, and groaned at what an un-picturesque prospect that was. Ick. Rain on Christmas Eve. I hoped that somehow it would get cold enough to snow after all. I envisioned gentle white flakes falling softly as we lifted the infant seat out of the car and brought in our precious new baby. I’ve always been a bit idealistic. :)

The doctor came in to consult with us, and I asked if I could go ahead and be discharged. (The epidural had been out for only a couple of hours, if I remember right). He seemed to feel that it might be best to wait one more night. So we decided that the next morning, Christmas Eve, we would go home.

But by nightfall Wednesday the weather had gotten ridiculous. Whoever heard of pouring rain and a wild thunderstorm two days before Christmas? It was jarring to me in my new-baby euphoria, and being sleep-deprived as well, I literally had to pray to feel more peaceful and not to worry about the crashing violence outside.

Thursday morning’s shift-change brought the unwelcome news that the Interstate to where we live had flooded, and was now closed. My heart dropped into my stomach.

I suddenly felt absolutely desperate to get home, no matter what. My boys needed us to come home! Not only was it Christmas Eve, but I knew they were praying for us, and it seemed that we needed to be home to fulfill the great faith they had shown in Heavenly Father's promise that Rosemary would arrive safely.

So even though my mind was racing with a bit of panic, anguishing over what it would be like if we couldn’t get home, I also felt a calm determination to act as though we were going home, no matter what. I got up and got dressed, and put on makeup. I packed up all our personal belongings strewn about the room. DC got on the phone to try to find an alternate route. The weather forecast was showing that things would only get worse during the day, that it would be an uncertain amount of time before the Interstate could reopen. It appeared that the sooner we could leave, the better chance we had. . . .

"December 23 & 24 saw [a] flood event with 9.52" of rain in those two days alone. Roads were closed and homes flooded on Christmas Eve. It was the first time in history that Little Rock recorded more than 4 inches of rain on two consecutive days.

"Yearly Rainfall: On average Little Rock gets around 50 inches of rain a year. The previous record was 75.54" set in 1882. . . .The Christmas Eve Flood shattered that record making 2009 the wettest year in recorded weather history for Little Rock with 81.79" of rain for the year." source

More pictures of the best Christmas present ever. . . .

I wrote this post on Dec 26, and then didn't publish it. Bear with me, here! I have lots to share, but it may be a bit delayed. I LOVE having a newborn again--so, so happy!!!!

We took these at the hospital on Dec 21st and 22nd. . .

 

 

 

 

 

We are at home and resting a lot now. I'm so grateful for my parents' help! It is good, so good to be home.

I'm typing one-handedly, very happily. :) Can't wait to tell you about the miracle Heavenly Father blessed us with as we tried to get home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. . . .

It is with deep gratitude and joy that we announce the safe arrival of Rosemary Jane Baker.  She arrived at 7:56 a.m. weighing 7 pounds 1 ounce and measuring 19 inches long.  More details and pictures to come soon.

Day 45 - { joys of having boys }

 

I have planned this post for a while, but as our days with only boys are now numbered, I knew it was time to crank it out. :)

I have absolutely loved having all boys. I don't have anything to compare it to yet, of course, but for me, life with my boys has been full of creativity, noise, live creatures from the outside world, tight hugs, and surprises almost every day.

 

 

 

One thing that has really delighted me and cracked me up is to see how they play with toys--also where they leave them, and how I find them!

 

See this beautiful ceramic dealie that exudes the beauty and grace of motherhood?

 

 

Here's what I found when I dusted BEHIND it (no telling how many weeks? months? it had been there!). . . .

(Little did I know before I had children that stretchy purple spiders would be part of the joy of motherhood.)

 

Some other toy-creativity gems. . .

 

I bet you didn't know that Rubix cubes should be refrigerated!

 

. . . .from Election Day last year. There's something symbolic about this one, I just know it!

 

I love this next one. You can totally see the logic behind it if you've ever read Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad stories. 

This was what greeted me as I came into my bedroom to go to bed one night.

 

The book was open to this page. I LOVE IT! :)

 

 

 

But here is my personal favorite.

 

I sat down on the {ahem} throne one evening in our guest bathroom, and had the eerie feeling I was being watched.

 

I looked over. . . .

 

and saw this facing me from across the sink!

 

I had nightmares that night.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the boys just sit and dream about ways to crack me up.

 

 

Some more charming pictures of alternative uses for household toys. . . .

 

Stretchy ball that has split its seam = headgear, of course!

 

Toad + medicine syringe = forcefeeding at bathtime

 

I love the energy of our boys. (Most of the time!) One fun tradition Exacto and Fluffy have right now is bidding a dramatic farewell to whichever parent happens to be leaving. Someone (I think it was probably DC) taught them that "goodbye" in German (auf wiedersehen) is pronounced similarly to saying "our feet are the same". They thought that was hilarious. So now when we're pulling out of the garage, they'll come running out jumping on one leg, holding up the other and yelling, "Our feet are the same! Our feet are the same!"

I love the funny things they say. You wouldn't believe (or maybe you would!) the reports I get from Hummer's comments in Primary. Or from his prayers (ahem). He was made infamous by a particular prayer a couple of weeks ago, in which he prayed that we would have macaroni and cheese for lunch. (I was relieved to get home and see some leftover in the fridge! :)

I love (again, most of the time) that they collect things from outdoors. We have had snails crawling around on our table (they had to bring them in so that the snails would relax and come out of their shells), toads on the stairs and under the piano (that was the start of a new commandment in our home of NO LIVE FERAL ANIMALS in the house), acorns and rocks and pinecones and feathers, often coming through the laundry from being stuffed into pockets.

So, what will it be like with a little GIRL in this household?

 

 

We are so excited to find out we can hardly stand it. . . . 

 

 

 

I can't wait.

Day 44 - {Zion in central Arkansas}

I'm still here! And everything's fine with the sweet baby (still kicking away in there)! I'm so sorry to have such a long break in my blogging. Things have been just a leetle too beezy. And there's not much sign of them slowing down! Only 19 more days till my scheduled C-section. . . .

Meanwhile, though, I want to keep writing and sharing with you the amazing blessings that we continue to receive. I am so grateful to my loving Heavenly Father! He is so good to us!

The next few posts will be "Days of Gratitude" posts, although they are a bit behind, chronologically. :)

So let me tell you about my awesome ward family (local congregation):

Did you know that the Promised Land is in Arkansas?

I didn't either, until we moved here! :)

Our ward is enormous geographically, taking up the entire county. You can drive from one end to the other in about an hour and a half. Compare that with our first ward in Utah after we were married, where it took up less than a city block, and we could walk to any member's home! There, the temple was a 10-minute walk away. Here in Arkansas, it's a 2 and 1/2 hour drive.

Though we have many good friends here of other faiths, the Mormon strain of Christianity is decidedly in the minority here. But the resulting bond between ward members here really makes us start to feel like family! Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings are like mini-family reunions. :)

I love, love, love my Sisters in the ward here.

Let me show you what they did for us a few weeks ago. . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

My trunk as I left for home (not all of the gifts would fit--three are in the cab!)

 

I love you so much, Sisters! Thank you for the wonderful shower for a 5th baby! Y'all are rockstars. :)

Day 37 - { beloved Rosy }

 

If you guessed that I was going to announce the name of our daughter, you were right! (I'm just so subtle and discreet. :)

Our daughter will be named for three very special women in our life:

DC's Mom = Mary Catherine

My Mom = Nancy Jane

and . . . .

my beloved friend Rosy Wright

 

Let me introduce you! :)

 

This is Rosy and Tommie Wright. Our friendship with them is one of the greatest blessings that came from our time in graduate school. We have countless precious memories of time spent together in Tallahassee.

 

I served as one of Rosy's counselors in the Relief Society presidency, and she was like my sister, my mother-away-from-home, and my best friend all in one.

 

How can I describe Rosy?

 

She was born in Cuba, and emigrated to Florida as a teenager, having to leave her parents behind. She overcame incredible challenges, including earning a graduate degree while a single parent.

Her husband Tommie is a pianist and master teacher. He is legendary at FSU for writing the fight song and providing the profile for the Seminole mascot, and yet he is the most cheerful, humble, likeable man you will ever meet.

They have three beautiful daughters, who are just as lovely inside as out, and incredibly talented.

 

Their family life is Dickensian in its peacefulness and harmony (think the Cratchit family from A Christmas Carol). They just have a spirit of love and acceptance in their home that is magnetic. I loved every minute I ever spent with them, and DC and I have often talked about how their family life is an example for how we want ours to be.

Rosy is. . .

. . . .generous beyond belief, in every sense. Not only is she giving in the traditional way but she also is one to always give someone the benefit of the doubt. You want to be what she believes you are!

. . . .brilliant but Christlike - she's department head at a major college, but I have seen her serving in the humblest of circumstances - cleaning cupboards of someone about to move, taking dinner to someone when she herself is ill

. . . .fun to be around - she has the most amazing stories to tell, and has an ever-present sense of humor, but is a great listener, too, and very sensitive 

. . . .thoughtful to the point that she gives new meaning to the word - she gave a shower for me and Fluffy just after he was born - she brought a beautiful cake in honor of Hummer's blessing day - when she couldn't come to Exacto's BD party she sent a gift and also money for me to buy balloons for the party - I could keep listing examples for pages. . . .

. . . .beautiful - I still remember when I first met Rosy. I was sitting alone, waiting for Relief Society to begin on our first Sunday in Tallahassee. I was 20 years old and had our two-month-old Exacto. She was Relief Society president at the time, and when she saw me she immediately came over and introduced herself. From the moment I saw her first smile at me, I felt this amazing love from her, and a feeling almost like we had always known each other. She is truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever known -- her spirit is positive and radiant, yet because she has undergone such significant challenges in her life she has this incredible depth as well.

 

I have always wanted to name a daughter after her since I first was blessed to become her friend. Fluffy, Hyrum, and Benjamin were all in the running to be our "Rosy" until we found out they were boys. :)

 

This being our first daughter after so many sons, we also definitely wanted to include both our mothers as well (don't know if we'll get another chance :)!) I was so excited when we hit on just the right name that incorporates all three.

And so her name is . . .

We love 'Rosemary' because it is old-fashioned, and also because it is the herb of remembrance. When Benjamin died, his Aunt Ginger sent a beautiful rosemary wreath, which still hangs on our door. This baby is a precious ray of hope after the painful loss of her big brother.

 

We already call her Rosemary (perhaps a few of you have heard the beans spill :), and on this blog, she will be known as Rosebud.

Day 34 - { the Priesthood }

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

~ 2 Timothy 1:7

 

I've been wanting to write this post for several weeks now, to share with you all the miracle that has happened to me. . . .

To show you what was going on in my mind and heart before the miracle, here is a post I started to write at the end of July:

This pregnancy has been a totally different experience emotionally than the others. It is really hard to enjoy it and anticipate what's ahead when the fear weighs so heavily on me. While I am grateful, so SO grateful to have a new life growing inside me, I am trying to focus on each day. To notice and marvel at each movement. To remember to appreciate that sweet closeness that doesn't last no matter what the outcome is. And yet, not to look forward to the future, just in case it turns out like it did before. (No wonder my family thinks I'm a total basket case.)

I am completely disinclined to do many of the things that I've always done in the past. Already I have decided not to get out any baby clothes beforehand, and not to set up the crib. It just hurt too badly to come home to that empty crib last time, with the neatly stacked and folded baby clothes all ready on the shelves of the changing table.

And for once, I'm actually resisting the nesting instinct. Last time we spent weeks and weeks working on the entire house, and it was in impeccable order by the time we received the news that changed our lives permanently.

I should add, too, that the sickness and fear that was in my heart was affecting my friendships, especially with other pregnant women. I would hear someone say, "Well, I just hope this baby comes before the end of the year, so we can get the tax break." And I would freeze up, thinking, "I just hope this baby comes alive--I don't care when." And then I wouldn't know what to say without sounding bitter or paranoid, and that would end that conversation.

Any of you who were around me in May or June or July probably noticed I was antisocial, moody, hard to be around. (I am really sorry!) 

I was trying so hard to have faith, but I couldn't seem to just be happy about anything. All I was focused on was getting a living baby in my arms. And that wouldn't be happening until December--and maybe not even then! my mind kept screaming at me--so I had kind of stopped living my life normally.

I was sick inside.

 

 

When Christ was on the earth, he went about healing the sick. He laid hands on the blind and they could see. He cast out devils. He even raised the dead.

He comforted broken hearts and calmed storms.

Then he organized his Church, and gave this amazing power--the Priesthood--to his twelve apostles.

 

I am grateful, so grateful, to know that He has again given this power to men on earth!

 

When Peter, James, and John laid their hands on Joseph Smith's head, they gave him that same Priesthood power and authority that Jesus Himself had given them. And that has been passed down in the same way since through the generations. . . .to my dad.

When we went back to Arizona a few weeks ago, I asked my dad to give me a Priesthood blessing. I have such precious memories of his blessing me during my growing up years--when I fell out of a swing and knocked my front tooth out, when I was sick with an ear infection, and more recently, an indescribably beautiful blessing the night before I delivered Benjamin.

So, our last night there, he laid his hands on my head and through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, said the words that the Savior would have said if it had been His hands on my head.

The amazing comfort and reassurance that poured into me completely overwhelmed me. I wish I could talk to you face-to-face and tell you what I heard and what I felt. It was too personal and sacred to share in much detail. . . .

But it healed my heart, and I am so different now than what I was before!

I am able to have joy in this pregnancy now, and real hope for the outcome. I can talk happily with friends about their babies, and not find myself biting back bitter words. I feel that I can plan to bring this baby home, and have started the organizing and cleaning that is natural to me in my normal pregnant state.

The paralyzing fear is gone.

The sheer generosity of our Father in blessing me just to enjoy this pregnancy overwhelms me. He loves me enough to care how I feel right now!

He loves you that much, too.

Isn't it incredible?