Monument to a precious little boy

When we first realized that we had the painful task of choosing where our baby should be buried, it was somewhat of a quandary. We have never planned to stay in Arkansas. Our families live out west, and it has always seemed like that's where "Home" is. How could we bury Benjamin here, only to leave him behind later on?

Gratefully, the Spirit prompted me to remember pioneer ancestors who buried babies on the plains and had to immediately continue westward. I cannot even imagine the agony that would be. At least we have some time here first, to be able to visit often for a while! Also we know that this will only be a resting place for him in mortality, and we will have all eternity to be with him someday. Realizing these things consoled us somewhat as we decided to have him buried here. I hope that by the time we do move away, it will not seem like the wrenching pain that it would be right now.

While I was in Arizona in the first few weeks after Benjamin's death, I took the opportunity to try to get his headstone designed. I knew I wanted a picture of the Mesa Temple on it, and I didn't think that would be easy to come by out here. With the help of my mom and sisters, we settled on a design. . . .only to come back to Arkansas and find out that the cemetary had specific rules that the marker must be made of bronze. The AZ company dealt only with granite, so now we were back at square one.

Eventually that all got worked out, but meanwhile my parents had an idea. Why not purchase the granite stone we had designed and create a monument on their property? It would be a place where we could always visit, even after we move away from Arkansas. My parents own their property outright and plan never to move, so this would be a permanent place to be able to sit and remember this beloved angel son/grandson.

 

 

 

They asked what we thought of this idea, and of course we LOVED it. The tender generosity of it still overwhelms me.

So they selected a spot near a giant sandstone boulder in their yard, and purchased the granite marker we had designed.

 

 

 

My brother Douglas, who is now on a mission in Costa Rica, dug a huge hole, so that they could plant a special tree to shade the spot. I love that we can watch it grow over the years, and think about our baby and when we will get to watch him grow. :) Mom planted a "ball willow", a beautiful tree that grows well in the high desert.

 

 

We were fortunate to be there for the final steps. Dad borrowed a diamond-tipped saw blade to cut into the sandstone, and we got to help him chisel out a spot for the granite.

 

 

 

It felt so good to work on something for Benjamin! Dad and DC did most of the chiseling and cutting, but I did some, too.

 

 

 

Testing to see if the stone fits. . . .

 

 

It didn't yet. A couple of days later, though, the chiseling was done, and a near-perfect spot had been carved out. They hefted the granite into place, and then Dad used liquid nail to seal it into the stone.

 

 

 

I planted zinnias and some white petunias around the special tree.

 

 

What an amazing gift, to have this place always to be able to visit and to watch his tree grow! Thank you ever so much, Mom and Dad! I love you.

 

 

Thilent Thurthday

(because I missed Wordless Wednesday. :))

 

Exacto at The Old Mill - October 2005

Fluffy's Formidable Talent

We got these cool-pioneer-toy-spinner-doohickeys when we visited Cove Fort last year. If you've never heard of them, they're round disks on a string that you twist by swinging around on your fingers. Then you let go, and keep the tension by pulling in and out, the and disk spins like crazy, forward and backward perpetually, for as long as you care to do it.

It's actually harder than it looks! It took my boys a little while to catch on to how to do it, but now they're PROS. Check out these sweet moves from Fluffy. . . .

Rock-climbing 27.09.08

We had a blast at the Fall Fest a couple of Saturdays ago, and the highlight was *free rock-climbing*! Hummer was too small, but Exacto and Fluffy gave it a try, and Exacto even made it all the way to the top. (Look at the next-to-last picture to see how high that was.)

Eleven months

Mother's Love, Greg Olsen

“And the earth shall be given unto them for an inheritance;

and they shall multiply and wax strong,

and their children shall grow up without sin unto salvation.

For the Lord shall be in their midst,

and his glory shall be upon them,

and he will be their king and their lawgiver.”

Doctrine and Covenants 45:58-59

There is a song I recently discovered, thanks to Bro. Wilberg's wonderful arrangement on Consider the Lilies. I love the lightness and beauty of his arrangement, but the song really struck deep down into my heart after I played another setting of it. This one was for violin and piano, by Ron Harris. I wanted so badly to record it with Chris and include it with this post! He simply didn't have the time to do it this week. (So if we happen to get it done in the future, I'll try to remember to add it . . . .)

For now, though, let me just try to express some of the feelings I had when we played this song together.

 

There will come a morning when I wake up to see my baby close at hand.

A morning when I look out the window to see a renewed, paradisiacal earth.

A beginning.

A beginning to many fresh mornings, as Benjamin grows up without sickness, pain, or sin.

A beginning to days of endless joy.

A time when the Savior Himself will walk among us.

 

This song makes real to me the morning after the Millennium begins, when earth will appear as the Garden of Eden.

 

Morning Has Broken

(Eleanor Farjeon)

Morning has broken, like the first morning;

Blackbird has spoken like the first bird.

Praise for the singing! Praise for the morning!

Praise for them springing fresh from the Word!

 

Sweet the rain's new fall sunlit from heaven,

Like the first dewfall on the first grass.

Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden,

Sprung in completeness where His feet pass.

 

Mine is the sunlight! Mine is the morning

Born of the one light Eden saw play!

Praise with elation, praise ev'ry morning,

God's re-creation of the new day!

 

Take My Hand, Greg Olsen

real-life angels

Just after Benjamin's graveside service, there was some time for people to come and hug us and offer comfort. After a while, and many had come and gone, suddenly I found myself in a circle of sisters from my ward family. They were talking to me and each other, but I don't remember a word they said. One found a chair for me to sit on. And one started rubbing my shoulders and back. They encircled me and just carried my pain with me for a while. I felt ministered to. I knew these sisters would be there for me after my beloved family left to go home. I knew that they were sent to me at this particular time by a loving Heavenly Father. As they lifted and strengthened me I felt His love. When I think back on this moment and envision their faces, they radiate in my memory. The picture below was taken before the moment I'm talking about, but it shows a few of the real-life angels that were there that day.

This is a beautiful memory I will always carry in my heart.

 

Since sending that post yesterday I have felt surrounded again by angels. In my pain I reached out, and you reached back! You'll never know how much your words and prayers strengthened me and lifted me. I literally felt a peace enter my heart. It was still a hard day, and I did spend time crying. But I didn't feel alone! Thank you so much.

Thank you for being my angels. This month may be an especially hard one, but I feel comforted that I can share my feelings here and you will understand and love me through it. I hope I will be there for you, too, when you need me!

 

 

Hurting

I'm hurting today. Please keep me in your prayers!

Something about it being October now. Pulling out the cool-weather stuff, and just seeing those clothes I wore last winter. The pajamas I wore after coming home from Benjamin's funeral. Realizing that a year ago today was when Janice arrived to help me get ready for his arrival. Seeing the babies that were his age turning one. All these things brought the sharpest pain I have felt in a while.