Sunday, November 23, 2008

Day 6 - {our new chickens}

Let me apologize for the long drought here. I have been experiencing some rather odd emotions and it has made it hard to post, because I don't feel honest unless I share how I'm really doing, and it's hard to explain. This is the fourth or fifth time I've tried to get something written, so here goes. Hope you don't think I'm totally losing it. :)

The weeks since Benjamin's birthday have been peaceful for the most part, and very productive. I felt an almost tangible peace that whole week after his birthday. Then the next week I felt it threatening to slip back into heavy grieving. So I got busy to try to keep my mind occupied.

I decided to start preparing our house for when we will have to sell it. I want us to be able enjoy the changes ourselves, so I've always planned to start early!

I also decided to start a new weight-loss program--wish me luck!

You may be shocked by my next decision: if I am not blessed with another pregnancy by January, I'm going to go back to school and get my R.N.! I've started researching the nursing schools in the area, and am very excited about this. Of course, things will hopefully change and I will finally be able to bring a baby home again. I just found myself starting to be obsessed about that, and it was not helping my mental health. For now, to have these plans helps me face the future.

This past week I found myself intentionally avoiding thinking about painful things--for probably the first time since this happened. I was so grateful to finally be into productive mode again, I didn't want to be pulled back down. I hope that is not unhealthy. . . . I still feel a huge urge to cry for about 10 years, but it doesn't help me to cry all day (unfortunately I know that from experience). I'm grateful to be healed enough to hold back the crying and save it for the evening, or for during scripture study, etc. I'm finding that I don't really need to cry every single day.

So, anyway! Now you know probably way more than you'd like about what's been going on in my head. :)

On to my next gratitude post!

100 days of gratitude tag


Since getting married and giving birth to my first son, and subsequently three more sons, I have grown accustomed to being the only female around the house. It's kind of nice in some ways, but I admit there are times that I would appreciate another girl around. :)


As of last week, though, the total number of girls around here has increased and now we're WINNING!



  (Exacto says we're tied because of Benjamin, but I say that in this case he doesn't count because he doesn't live here.)


Benjamin is around the house, too!



Okay, so anyway, I'm grateful for two more girls! Some of you may not have met our first chicken, so I'll introduce her here, too.


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This here is the sweetest little hen you'll ever met. She lets us pet her, hold her, and she even follows us around when we're out in the Chicken Run with her. We've had her since November 2005.

Ms. Dickens has survived several companions: her childhood friend, a duck named Chuck; later a rooster named Cute; another duck, named Cutie; and a sweet little gray hen named Priscilla. Her latest compatriot was an elderly red hen named Matilda, who shuffled off this mortal coil last summer. With the cold weather starting, we worried about her not having another warm body to snuggle close to at night.

I mentioned it to our Relief Society president, who keeps chickens, and asked if she had any retired layers that she could spare. She let us come out and choose two. (Thanks, Tracy!)

So, now I introduce our two newest chickens, named by Exacto and Hummer, respectively. . . . .

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Ruby was hysterical when we brought them home. It was pretty hilarious. She has the run of most of the backyard, but what she REALLY wants now is to penetrate the fascinating, chain-link-fence-enclosed Chicken Run.

Unfortunately the hens are rather clique-ish and completely unsympathetic.

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So even though I'm not surrounded by pink stuff and dress-up clothes, it's fun not to be the only girl. Ruby and I hang out during the day--she's a sweetie. Most of the time. :)

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And sometimes I just go out and pet the hens and have a little woman-to-woman chat. (They're great listeners.)

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Yes, I'm a hillbilly wannabe.


snbjork said...[Reply to comment]

Whoa, you absolutely have me shocked! I had no idea you would consider getting an R.N.! Is that something you've wanted for a long time? I've always just known you as a musician...I had no clue you had this secret life. Where have I been???! =) How cool!

Congratulations on your new sister chickens. They look very cute (P.S. What's up with the second chickens name??).

I can't wait to talk to you and fam. on Tuesday to hear how your week went!

I love you and miss you, as always.

Becky said...[Reply to comment]

If chickens rool, who drools? Ruby? I LOVE the names that Hummer and Exacto picked out. I'm SO excited to see you and your boys in a couple of days!! (We'll have to wait a little longer before seeing your girls. ;)

Love you!!

Kara said...[Reply to comment]

I hope you are doing better. PLEASE let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. Don't work too fast on house improvements, we don't want you moving anytime soon :(

Barry said...[Reply to comment]

Wow, RN, that's really cool! It's great that you have something else to look forward to.

Natalie.Rob.Branson said...[Reply to comment]

Can I just say that I love you, and I love reading about the incredible things you and your cute family due to honor and remember Benjamin...I loved that you had family from all over release balloons, and that your family too got to do that at his graveside! I think I might have to use your ideas for our sweet Branson...if you don't mind?! I admire you for making future plans, and having the strength to accept whatever comes your way. However, I will continue to pray that you will be blessed with another little one. I am praying that prayer for myself right now too. I am so grateful for our friendship and for the love that I feel from you. You share the wisdom of being farther along in this journey...thanks for sharing your tear soup and taking some of mine! I hope you and your family have a fabulous Thanksgiving, and a good time decorating for Christmas. I love you!

Christian Baker said...[Reply to comment]

The RN thing is news to me too, but it's a neat idea. We'll see what happens... I luv my 'Shelle!

Andre said...[Reply to comment]

You are awesome!!! I'm so glad to hear from you, I've been wondering what was going on.

I love the idea of you going to nursing school. That will keep you busy. I have always wanted to go back to school, maybe someday.

Crying is okay. Being productive helps, but when I go to bed at night my mind automatically goes to the week that Austin died. I'm always thinking of him, but then I have nothing to distract me.

Thinking of you!

Amy Kay said...[Reply to comment]


Your chickens are so cool. I've thought in the past about getting some chickens, but that will have to wait a bit...maybe when the boys are older. I too feel the sadness of being the only girl. Even our dog Chico is a boy. OH well, this has helped the boys learn that they are boys so they do boy things, and mom is a girl and does girl things. Maybe someday BEFORE my boys get married, I will have a girl around my house.
Hugs, Amy

rustybeaver said...[Reply to comment]

Cluck Cluck. Way to be frank with yourself, I'm a big supporter of that. RN?! That sounds cool! What kind? I'm imagining you now in scrubs as you hold a syringe-hypodermic needle combo, saying cheerfully, "You'll feel a little pinch." But seriously, wow! What a neat idea.

Anonymous said...[Reply to comment]

Awesome, Michelle! I can't believe you have hens. We have 4 now. We've lost 2. So we have 7 girls and 4 boys in the fam if you count the dog and hens. You're so awesome. Love, Yolanda