Polyphonic Marriage

In the little kingdom of a family, each spouse freely gives something the other does not have and without which neither can be complete and return to God’s presence. Spouses are not a soloist with an accompanist, nor are they two solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together in harmony at a level where no solo can go.

– Bruce C. Hafen and Marie K. Hafen, “Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners,” Ensign, August 2007, page 28

My mom sent me this quote, and I love it! It reminds me of a autobiographical book that Madeleine L'Engle wrote about her marriage, called "Two-Part Invention." Marriage is polyphonic music, where each part 'sounds good' by itself, but put together, is a work of art!

Letter from a Missionary Brother

I hope it's all right (with Dallin) that I share a few sentences from the delightful letter I received from him yesterday. He writes such thoughtful letters, and I love his gift for words. Most of all, I love his testimony.

"So, by the time you get this, you will be less than two months away from delivery. That will be great. And since it's around the same time Mark and Amanda get married, I will get two new family members around the same time! That's very exciting. Let's see, four of my five older siblings will have had children since I left, and the other will have been married. Amazing. Time just flies.
"How does it feel to have a baby born? Interesting, I'm sure. It sure is to get a new companion. I said goodbye to Elder Nelson, walked into a room, and said hello to Elder Liu, without seeing Elder Nelson again or either of them seeing each other. I then spent twenty-four hours a day with him. It's great to always have someone to talk to and work with.
"Missionary work really is rewarding. Even though sometimes I wish the results were more visible, I am confident that no effort is wasted, like the Brethren say in Preach My Gospel. It's true. Even if everyone says no in a day, I don't feel it was a waste of time. Sure it would be nice if I caught pneumonia from spending all day in the basptismal font, as Elder Holland put it, but I know that everyone has their agency, and this work is in the hands of the Lord. The Gospel really is true. I feel like there are still more I need to share it with.
"Well, good luck with the last little while of your pregnancy. I look forward to seeing a picture of the freshest addition to the bakery! Love, your brother, Elder Dallin Bailey"

{ quotables archive }

1/19/10 - Exacto's version of a famous Broadway song. . . "I think I'll cry defining gravity." :)

1/9/10 - Hummer, thoughtfully : "I don't know yet if I'm allergic to giraffes. Because I've never touched one."

7/31/09 - Hummer thinks we should name the baby "Mount Fuji."

7/10/09 - Exacto was mad at me because I couldn't manage to answer him at the same that his brothers were clamoring for my attention. He said something about my never answering him, and I rather exasperatedly said, "Well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect!" His face changed into a sappy smile, and he said sweetly, "I forgive you."

6/12(?) Fluffy wanted to lick the beaters from the brownie batter, and was warned that they had raw egg. He said, "That's okay. I'm addicted to raw egg!" I gave him a quizzical look, and he said, "It can't make me sick. I've had it several times and not gotten sick." The light bulb came on, and I said, "Oh, you mean you're immune to raw egg." He said, "Yep."

5/8 Conversation at the dinner table--
Hummer: Hey! Who drank my water?
DC: Maybe it was your ghost friend.
Exacto: No, he doesn't have a ghost friend anymore. He said his ghost friend ran away to Nana and Grandpa's house.
Hummer: He came back.
Exacto: Oh, okay.
Hummer: In one second.
Exacto: Wow, he's a fast ghost friend.

4/30 Hummer: "Daddy, what does the word 'mate' mean?"
{ pause }
DC {nonchalantly}: "Where did you hear that word?"
Hummer {matter-of-factly}: "From chess."

4/17 We were watching "Spirit", yes, the one about the horse. The boys had never seen it before, and were completely absorbed. We got to the part when Spirit and Rain fall down the waterfall, and Rain gets shot, and Spirit is about to be dragged from her. Suddenly Hummer started shrieking, "My eyes are watering! My eyes are watering!"

4/16 There's always a grapefruit half leftover at our house. Hummer said this morning, "I can't wait until there's six in our family on earth. Then we will get whole grapefruits." (meaning no spare halves :).

4/3 DC was making a delectable dessert after dinner tonight, and to be extra-productive, asked the boys to get their pajamas before having dessert. Their responses. . .
Exacto: Sure, I'll be happy to!
Fluffy: Sure, I'll be happy to!
Hummer: UNCLE!

3/22 After church one of the boys mentioned that Hummer had given a talk that day. "Doh!", I slapped my forehead. "I forgot to help him get it ready!" But Fluffy reassured me that one of the Primary presidency helped him, and added, "Yeah, it was about how 'family members have important responsibilities'!"

3/11 Hummer heard me quote part of one of my favorite poems by Emily Dickinson and, to my delight, he later paraphrased it: "I hope it's the thing with feathers!"

2/28 (I wavered between laughing or crying with this one. . . .) Exacto was pondering the fact that I expect him and his brothers to actually work, help around the house, etc., and he commented, "Mommy, aren't you glad you have children so you don't have to do so many chores?" ?!

2/27 Another Primary song adaptation--this one's from Hummer, who very innocently thought it went: "Faith is like a little bug. . ."2/8 Imagine how difficult it is to be reverent for family prayer just after hearing the boys' adaptation of My Heavenly Father Loves Me: "Whenever I touch a velvet toad. . . ."

2/6 Hummer was helping me put away the groceries, and started to try to lift the 50-lb bag of chicken feed. I was about to tell him to wait for Daddy to do that one when he said fervently, "Oh my heck. That one's heavy!"

1/24 Fluffy said this one: "I wonder if someone can have a baby the day after they're married? That would be so cool!"

 

1/18 Hummer: "I wish we had a pet goat. Then we wouldn't need a GARBAGE CAN any more."

1/12/09  Another Hummer quote: "Mommy, guess what? We have three books with a not-nice word!"
Me: "We do? What is it?"
Hummer (with wide, serious eyes): "The first part of it is STU and the rest of it is PID!"

12/16/08 We FINALLY gathered everyone around the table to have prayer and start eating. Hummer was called on to say the prayer. As soon as he started, we could hear that someone left the music going in the other room. Then Ruby started playing with the blinds. Then the phone began ringing. I tried very hard to concentrate on Hummer's prayer as he said, "And please bless that someone will answer the phone . . . ."

12/11 Hummer was upstairs getting his PJ's on, and called down to me: "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Will you please add pull-ups to your wish list?"

12/1 I received my receipt in the mail from paying off my outrageous cardiologist bill. At the bottom, after the total, it says: "THANK YOU! PLEASE COME AGAIN!" Sheesh.

11/3 Nana, having lost her cell phone, told us to call it while she looked in the car so she could hear it ring. We forgot, and she came back in to see what was up. We shamefacedly apologized, and she headed out again, calling back over her shoulder: "I'm leaving the door open so I can yell at you!"

11/2 Aunt Becky, as we were discussing favorite pictures of Hummer: "Oh, the one with Ruby in the wheelchair?"

11/1 Nana, commenting on how she appeared to be the oldest one who made to the top of Pinnacle Mountain, suddenly remembered, "Oh, yeah. There was that one man who went up twice. . . ." {dissolving into giggles}

11/1 Hummer (after tooting audibly): "Mommy, air mixed with milk is yummy!"

10/31 Aunt Becky, to Russell, who had the tendency to use the feminine pronoun when referring to Baby Seth:
"Did you know that he's a girl?"

11/8 Another Hummer prayer, this time over the food: "And we're grateful that some of this food will be yummy. . . ."

11/2 Hummer gave the closing prayer in Primary, causing the whole room to dissolve in giggles, when he said, "And please bless Nana and Aunt Becky that they won't leave our house until we say they can go back to their houses."

10/24 We were questioning Fluffy why his pajamas and underwear were on the stairs, and he responded, "Because H. was hitting and kicking and pinching me."
Hummer: "By accident!"

10/23 Hummer's reading has progressed to the point where he doesn't want help during scripture study. We're reading in Acts, and with all those funny names it gets pretty hilarious to see what he comes up with. Today the word "synagogue" became "see-na-Google." :)

10/17 While we eat dinner, we usually let Ruby in to have her dinner, too, and catch the stuff that inevitably falls from the table. Tonight we didn't because she'd already had her dinner, and she began the most piteous, heart-breaking whine imaginable. Far from taking compassion, our boys thought it was hilarious, and Exacto dubbed it "Ruby's Lament." Poor Ru!

10/9 Hummer: "Did you know that spiders and bandaids only drink BLOOD?!"

10/6 Pioneer Woman is delightfully obtuse sometimes. In her recent Pumpkin Butter post she delivered this inspiring quote:
"Pretty jars make everything better. . . .
Who said that? Nietzsche?"

9/26 Hummer gave me a wonderfully sweet hug, and then kissed my arm, and said solemnly, "I gave you my biggest hug and my biggest kiss."

9/25 Excerpt from Hummer's turn to say the prayer: "Please bless that more tornadoes will come to earth. . . ." 

9/22 Exacto asked, "If you have the Star-Spangled Banner stuck in your head, do you have to stand up?"

9/22/08 - DC quipped during our chicken gumbo, "There should be a place where you can Win-free Okra."

9/19/08 - Hummer has two warts on his thumb, which we have diligently been working to remove. It looks pretty hideous right now, blanched and with the edges coming off. (Sorry, TMI!). It doesn't seem to bother him, though! Today I heard him say in a sappy, sweet voice, "I really like my wart. It's a cute wart."

9/17/08 - I was chuckling about a post dealing with character potty pants (Elmo ones, to be specific). Interested, Hummer asked, "Alma potty pants?" Exacto started giggling and tried to clarify, but Hummer persists in his vision of scriptural hero underwear. 

7/16/08 - On the way home from playing at the Swensons', Fluffy asked me, "Mommy? Is it harder being a mom or a dad?" I said that I figured they were probably about the same. Hummer spoke up and said, "When I'm a Daddy, I'm going to try to turn into a Mommy with my magic!

Go to Sleep, Sweet Noodle

One of Hummer's favorite songs right now is "Silly Lullaby", from Philadelphia Chickens by Sandra Boynton. It's SO cute to hear him sing it! (Hopefully I can borrow a digital video camera and capture that to post on here!) But for now, here's a picture and the words:

Go to sleep, my zoodle,

my fibblety-fitsy foo.

Go to sleep, sweet noodle.

It's time to say, "Ah-choo."

The chickens in the bathtub,

the closet full of sheep,

the sneakers in the freezer,

are all drifting off to sleep.

Go to sleep, my zoodle,

my fibblety-fitsy foo.

Go to sleep, sweet noodle.

The owl is whispering, "Moo."

Elder Maxwell salutes the work of motherhood

I love this quote I came across yesterday. It's from a talk Elder Maxwell gave in 1978.

"We salute you, sisters, for the joy that is yours as you rejoice in a baby's first smile and as you listen with eager ear to a child's first day at school which bespeaks a special selflessness. Women, more quickly than others, will understand the possible dangers when the word self is militantly placed before other words like fulfillment. You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today's world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms."

Talk about a career with power!

Bappy Hirthday to Mama's Number One

(This picture was last year's birthday--I'll try to post some of this year's soon!)Today is a special day--my sweetheart turns 34! He continues to insist that that's just a vicious rumor, but it's true. :) On his birthday, allow me to praise and extol him for a while. (It's not bragging if it's true, right?) My darling is truly one of the greatest men I have ever known. You will never meet a more thoughtful, loving person. He really cares about other people and is always doing things to help. This may not sound romantic, but last night he spent a half-hour bleaching the toilet and scrubbing all around it after a little crisis that occurred. I offered to do it and even changed my clothes to grubbies, and he wouldn't let me. And this is after 10 years of marriage! To me, that is real love. We still argue about who's going to take the car without A/C, trying to get each other to take the nice car! :) He makes sure we have a date every week, and often plans creative things for us to do together. He reads with me at night, often choosing something that he knows I would really like to read (right now it's "A Tale of Two Cities"). :)

My darling is a wonderful father. He puts the boys to bed every night when he's home, making sure Exacto and Fluffy set out their school clothes for the next day, and brushing Hummer's teeth, and reading them all a story. He takes them on "Super Kid Dates", often these are bike rides with just him and one of his sons. He is gentle and compassionate with me in my expectant state, patient with my moans and complainings, and quick to offer to let me go lie down for a while.

My sweetheart is a man of faith. He lives what he believes. And he is decidedly in the minority wherever he goes, being a "family man" and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am so proud of his standing up for family whenever issues have come up, for always asking for Sundays off even though he rarely gets them, and just for his being willing to be different from everyone else as we strive to raise a strong family.

To top all this off, my husband has amazing talents. I consider him a genius in many respects, although it has taken me years to get to know him well enough to see this quality because he is modest TO A FAULT. I've tried to encourage him to be a little more forthcoming about his abilities, but it just is not natural for him. To really know how gifted he is, you have to hear him play the violin (of course) but also the piano! without music! You have to hear him improvise silly songs with the boys. You have to hear him discuss the great violinists and teachers of the past, about which he is deeply knowledgable but will never admit it!! :)

You'd think that such an incredible person might be kind of stiff or unreal, but DC is also one of the funniest people I have ever known. He has a wacky, one-of-a-kind sense of humor. He still catches me off-guard sometimes by making me laugh hysterically about something he says. This humor has really helped keep our marriage fresh through difficult times and helped lighten the stress of child-rearing.

Happy Birthday to my "Number One Boy", my eternal companion and best friend forever! I love you, and thank Heavenly Father for letting you be my life!

A Day at the Memphis Temple

Our ward had a temple trip to the Memphis Temple this past Saturday. The youth did baptisms, and many of the adults did endowments and sealings. We left around 6:15am, and I did a session while DC watched the boys, then I watched them while DC did sealings (the session was too full!). It was a wonderful day. The boys are always excited to go to the temple, and it's so nice to have the time to visit with my Sweetheart in the car (usually on the way home, when the boys tend to fall asleep.) We stopped and got an ice cream treat on the way home, which DC commented would be a great tradition for temple trips. :)
It's great to have a temple so close. Before the Memphis Temple was dedicated, our stake members traveled to Dallas, 6 hours away. When we lived in FL, it was a 4-hour drive. I remember driving down when I was very pregnant with Fluffy, in our van that had no A/C. Then waiting at the temple with Exacto and trading off, except there was no air-conditioned stake center nearby for him to play at. It was much harder. And yet, as soon as I walked through the doors of the temple, I felt so close to Heavenly Father. That made it all more than worth the effort! I love the temple! I rejoice in the blessings that come from the ordinances performed there!