Thursday, October 24, 2013

{ how to remember him here }

With autumn making its way to a beautiful climax here, I have conflicting emotions. One is to be so happy and grateful to live in such a lovely place. The other is a near-desperate longing to be able to visit the cemetery where Benjamin is buried.


photos in this post taken yesterday by a very special friend in Arkansas – thank you so much, Meghan!

It is harder than I thought it would be. After all, I know he's not there. It’s just that that is a place where I feel close to him and have had many beautiful experiences connecting me to him. It’s a place where I feel peace.

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And now that his 6th birthday in heaven is approaching, and I am far from the place where we had so many traditions associated with it, I am feeling a bit lost and even a little scared.

Where could we do the balloon release?

How can we “visit” him?

We won’t be able to clean his headstone like we usually have. We can do the traditional meals and FHE and gift of service, but I’m having a hard time seeing how to replace or revise the other traditions that have become so important to us.


I crave being with people who love him or have some connection to him. I long to be somewhere quiet and peaceful. I want a chance to remember and cry but also celebrate what he means to our family.

At first I thought going to the Denver Temple was a brilliant idea, and planned on doing sealings with DC that weekend. But we just found out that the youth will be doing a temple trip then, and so that takes out our babysitters.

Any ideas out there?


Vauna said...[Reply to comment]

Oh, Michelle, I can only imagine how difficult this must be to be so far from Benjamin's grave-site. My parents invited our family to do the balloon release with them on his first birthday at the Saint George temple. I know he will see it from wherever you do it. It's an important tradition and I'm sure you'll find a new special place to do it from.
The temple would be a great idea. What time is the youth temple trip? Any chance one of the leaders might be willing to keep your kids at the temple grounds or take them somewhere fun if it's too cold, say right after they finish? Or, there's got to be an adult friend who might babysit if they knew the circumstances? Or one of DC's family members?
Thankfully Benjamin is in Heaven (which is closer than most others-especially those of us who don't have a loved on there- realize) and not just in Arkansas, although I know how comforting it must be to be able to visit the spot where his body resides. You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your faith and example!

llamitanan said...[Reply to comment]

Oh, Michelle, that is hard to be so far away. I will clean the memorial we have here on his birthday. Would that help a little?

Dad and I were just commenting yesterday on how we love seeing the sign with his name on it every time we go in and come out of town. Maybe you could adopt a highway there in CO and clean it up on his birthday.

Would the location of the Ft. Collins Temple be a good place to release balloons? It is so beautiful there. You could release them from the Church building and the balloons would fly over the temple site.

We will be thinking of you, Benjamin and the rest of your family especially on November 3.

I love you!

Our Little Hatch Family !!! said...[Reply to comment]

I am not sure where his memorial is, but I too would be so very happy to help, and clean his sight for you, as well...just let me know sounds like it is time for a new tradition!! I like the temple idea, when I lived in AZ I would always visit our temple, drive around the site and find peace and comfort with what ever I was struggling with! Say a prayer...I know the Lord will guide you with this one! We miss you around here, please let me know how I can help ease your heart ache! I am happy to serve in any way I can! Miss you! Hang in there!

snbjork said...[Reply to comment]

Michelle! I will happily take care of your two younger littles while you go to the temple with your husband and your boys. I would love to do that for you. You could either drive them to my house. OR I could drive to the temple and bring them back to my house with me so they can play with my kids. Or I can bring my kids with me up to the temple and we can all hang out outside while you enjoy a session. Please let me do this for you. I would love it. I'm sorry I didn't think to offer to babysit sooner. I just wasn't thinking about the fact that you and your hubs could still go. DUH! :-) And, if there is anything else you would like or need me to do to help in the celebration I would love to help, so please ask. I'm just not sure what to offer. It would be great for me to have this opportunity to celebrate Benjamin's birthday with you and your family. Call me or shoot me an email so we can talk details.

KW said...[Reply to comment]

Just a thought...maybe you could get a bench or plant a tree/bush and put it in your yard as a memorial place to visit and feel his spirit? I can only imagine how hard it will be to come up with new ways to feel close to him, but it sounds like you are on the right track. Peace be with you.