Day 14 - { my winter baby }

We recently celebrated Hummer's 5th birthday.

Ouch. This one was harder for me than my own 30th! I hate thinking that this special time of having him at home with me every day is coming to an end in just a few months!

Some of my favorite pictures of our sweet little guy. . . .

On January 9, 2004, in Tallahassee, FL, our beautiful 3rd son arrived.

 

As with all of my other babies, I fell hopelessly in love at first sight.

 

He's always been a bit of a mama's boy, and I've never minded at all! :)

 

His brothers are crazy about him, too.

 

That year we moved to Arkansas, and there were big changes. Hummer tagged along while we went house-hunting, and by the time we moved in, he had just started crawling.

 

A few months later we celebrated his 1st birthday.

You just have to love that personality already coming out. This kid is a Character (don't know where he gets it)! :)

 

 

 

And now he's FIVE.

He particularly wanted a specific Wal-mart cake this year, and his wish was granted by a sweet friend (thank you, Janice!).

 

Just a little note about today. We made that yearly visit to Dr. Weed's for his well check-up, and this time he had to get his booster shots for kindergarten. I was SO PROUD of him. It was hard for him but he made it through without crying (his own goal)!

I can't believe how grown up he is. (Is it normal to be sad when your child doesn't cry about shots? Does anyone out there know what I mean? :)

We came home and I gave him a big bowl of ice cream, and the rest of the afternoon we worked together on setting up the new desk. He would hand me the tools or screws I needed and sometimes I'd let him be the one with the screwdriver. It was just peaceful together time that I tried hard to SAVOR. I will miss him SO MUCH next year.

a few things I love about this boy:

his breathtaking ability to sing on pitch and remember scads of songs (right now his big thing is the Articles of Faith songs--even there at the doctor's office while we waited he belted out the 4th Article of Faith song -- pausing to comment on the word "principles" - "Mommy, I know who the principal at school is!")

his heart-melting smile

his generosity with kisses (if he thinks you're nice, you get a kiss on the hand! No matter who you are - the librarian, Dr. Weed, the cashier at Wal-mart, etc.)

his ticklishness and contagious giggle

his gorgeous chocolate-brown eyes

his brilliant mind (already reads fluently and likes to write, too!)

his quickness to share (spent most of his birthday money on buying 3 GIANT calculators - one for him and one each for Exacto and Fluffy!)

the beautiful and very-natural way he has taken on the big-brother role with Benjamin (he ALWAYS mentions him in his prayers, he includes him in his candy sharing! "Mommy, that one is for Benjamin. Let's save it for him." When he grows out of a shirt, he'll make sure I save it for Benjamin to wear. etc.)

his awe-inspiring faith

 

I am so, so grateful for this beloved son of mine. Thank You, dear Father, for sending him to us!

 

 

why my christmas cards are becoming groundhog's day cards. . .

Scraping popcorn off ceilings

 

Texturing and painting ceilings  (thank you so much for your help, Mike!)

 

   

Priming and painting walls

 

Next stop. . . .

Our neighbor Thelma was so awesome to let us borrow tools, and to explain to us how to lay the laminate. Exacto and Fluffy are back to school, so Hummer has been our main Helper Man!

The whole project has gone really well, up until now. It's really tricky getting it to fit the corners, and we have made several mistakes. We're starting to feel like we bit off more than we could chew! Wish us luck. . . .

Remember our family portraits?

Remember my post about getting our caricatures done by artist David Bowman?

Well, Becky just pointed me to this contest he's having. I hope I'm not too late, but even if I am, you will enjoy these three pictures by him. They are so beautiful!!

Art Giveaway

Here is all the information you need to know to get your free signed 8x10 print!
You can ALL win a FREE signed 8x10 print of your choice (out of the three prints), by copying and posting to your blog or website this whole post! After you post then send an e-mail to David (contact@bowman-art.com) with your website or blog address telling him you posted it and that you read about this offer on my blog. Also send him your name and mailing address and he will send your signed 8x10 print of your choice :) Hurry because...*This offer expires Monday Jan. 5th at noon!!* (I assume MST, since that's where he lives)

David Bowman: has had a passion for art ever since he could pick up a pencil. He loves creating images of the Savior that inspire and uplift. Along with his Christian fine art, David has also written and illustrated a series of scripture storybooks for children titled "Who's Your Hero". Check out his website at www.bowman-art.com to see more of his precious art.

"Innocence"

The Savior tells us we need to become as little children to inherit the kingdom of God. I've often wondered what it is about little children Jesus loves most, and I think its their innocence. They are clean slates, seeing the world and others through untarnished eyes. Their hearts are pure, without the baggage of cynicism and self-doubt. In this piece, I've tried to imagine how a child would act upon meeting the Master for the first time. Without reservation or inhibition, I think he would simply want to play with Him. He would be at complete ease, allowing his pure little heart to soak in the love and laughter of His pure, infinite heart. It's no wonder Christ delights in these little ones and sets them up to be our examples.

"Security"

One of the greatest human needs is a sense of security. In all aspects of life, we naturally gravitate towards anything that makes us feel safe. In this piece, I wanted to convey a sense of complete peace and calm like only the Savior can provide. It's a security that allows us to rest assured, without fear or worry, when we put ourselves trustingly in His arms. Little children have that inherent kind of trust in their parents, so it's fitting that the man and girl who modeled for "Security" are actually father and daughter. They generated the exact feel I was looking for.

"My Child"

This piece conveys an intimate, up-close-and-personal feeling of the Savior's love. Notice how all the lines draw your attention and point towards Jesus' face in the center. I chose the name "My Child" because the only thing that could compare (even remotely) to Christ's compassion for us is the love of a parent for his/her child. This image is also intended to put things in perspective. Above all, we are God's children first. He allows us the privilege of experiencing parenthood for ourselves and we are entrusted to be the mothers and fathers of His children here on earth.   --David Bowman

Day 13 - { christmas }

Another Christmas post - I don't want it to be over yet! :)

I am so grateful for the celebration of Christmas and for the joys it brings! I know I am a bit late with this, but I thought I could follow the tradition of celebrating Christmas until Epiphany. :)

I want to share with you my absolutely favorite scene from any Christmas movie is 17 minutes into "Mr Krueger's Christmas." It makes me cry every single time.

Meridian Magazine interviewed Director Kieth Merrill about the making of this movie a while back, and I loved reading what he said about filming that particular scene:

Following the rehearsal of the scene where Mr. Krueger visits the manger and pays homage to the Christ Child Jimmy pulled me aside and said, “I need to do this in one take.”

He had certainly proven his ability to nail a scene in one take, but on our low budget I only had one camera and I needed coverage to make the scene work. Cinema 101. Wide. Medium. Close Up. I tried to explain. Then, in that private moment, he shared his feelings for the Savior in a way that in our Mormon tradition was akin to bearing testimony:

"For me this scene and these words are very personal and very real and I will  not be able to do it twice."

I am confident in telling you that Mr. Krueger’s emotions as he kneels and talks to the Babe in the manger reflect in reality the feelings of James Stewart toward the Lord, Jesus Christ. The reverence for the Savior of the World so beautifully manifested by Mr. Krueger was a genuine sentiment for this marvelous actor. . . .

 

 

 

Take 4 minutes and watch this--it is so uplifting! (drag the button over to start at 17:00').

Lo, I am with you always.

You promised that,

and when I realized it was true

my soul flared up.

Any unhappiness comes

from forgetting.

-Rumi

 

Blessed be the birth of our Truest Friend and Savior, Jesus Christ! He is always near us.

He came to earth not only to save us, but to understand us completely. When I can remember that, I feel peace.

 

Sources:

Wikipedia

Meridian Magazine

Joseph Brickey, "Journey to Bethlehem"

Liz Lemon Swindle, "Be It Unto Me"

Family Christmas Letter

           Click on the photo above to read our Christmas letter for this year.

Missing my baby

I hope you all had a beautiful, peaceful day. We did. (Well, the peaceful part might be a little subjective. . . :) It was an AMAZINGLY GENEROUS Christmas. We were simply overwhelmed by the gifts that were given to us. A true echo of the love and infinite generosity of our Father's Gift to all of us.

Christmas letters will be coming your way soon! I am just hoping to have them done by New Year's. I love receiving Christmas letters, even if they're months late. It's just so nice to stay in touch with our friends that way, even if only once a year (or every other year!).

I want to share some very real feelings from today.

I have a DVD playing in the background of Sissel with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It is absolutely gorgeous, and is filling my heart. I remember so clearly watching and listening to it last year as I cried and wrapped presents the night before Christmas.

It was so wonderful to perform acts of service in Benjamin's honor this year, and also to receive gifts for him from my family. They also did special acts of service as gifts for him. I love you, family!!!! I don't know how anyone ever survives the death of a child without supportive family and friends!

This Christmas was not as hard as last Christmas, but I was surprised by how hard it still was. I miss my little son!

I just keep thinking back on those few short hours with him, how soft he was and how perfect. My mind had not yet accepted the fact that I would not be keeping him, and I just felt wonderful and so happy and grateful to have him. Then when it became apparent that I would have to let him go, I tried desperately to memorize every little detail. I wrapped his fingers around mine and tried to engrave on my mind that feeling of his tiny hand against my fingers.

He would be a robust, adorable 13 months by now.

When the boys opened a new set of Magnetix today, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a deep sadness. It's funny how seemingly random things trigger that. One of my greatest fears is to have one of my babies choke on something. We had thrown away our last Magnetix set because of a scare with Hummer. As the boys tore off the wrapping paper and saw what it was, they all looked up at me to see my reaction (they know I'm paranoid. :))

I paused long enough to stop myself from starting to cry (I have lots of practice with that now!), and said, "It's okay. There's no baby here to choke on them." So they tore into it! :)

But the rest of the day I just kept feeling that familiar bittersweet realization that tints my whole life now. We do have a baby. He is perfect and he is safe. But he is not here.

Dear, sweet Benjamin--

Were you close today? Did you see your gifts of love? They were amazing.

I miss you terribly still. I try not to "clutch" onto you, as I know you want me to be happy. But oh, how I ache to hold you and see your brothers enjoy you. I long to be feeding you and changing you and rocking you.

I still have moments where I stop to listen because I think I hear you crying. Strange, when I never heard you cry even once.

Merry Christmas to my very own angel. I will try all my life to be worthy to be your mother.

How wonderful to think that you can wish Happy Birthday to our Savior personally!

Stay close.

Love,

Mommy

Day 12 - {a healthy body}

I don't get sick much. I am so blessed that way! Whenever I do get really sick, it helps me remember what a blessing that is! The flu I had (or whatever it was) lasted about a week, and by Thursday it was pretty much gone.

I feel such a sense of relief and gratitude to have my energy returned! Thank You, Heavenly Father!

Several experiences of the past year have made me realize that good health is truly a gift from God. So many people are afflicted with chronic pain, and face each day knowing they will hurt a lot.

Grief has taught me what that must be like. To have sleep be the only relief sometimes, and often sleep is hard to come by!

I had one brush with the reality of physical afflictions this past July. My heart began to skip beats more and more regularly. Soon it was at the point where I was dizzy and exhausted, lying on my bed most of the day. I went to see the cardiologist and he put me on a heart monitor for a month.

We went to Arizona for several weeks right after this, and the arrhythmia stopped! At my follow-up appointment when we got back, the doctor concluded that it was largely stress-related, and to tone things down a bit and stop drinking so much coffee. (Ha! I had to tell him I don't drink that OR tea or any caffeinated drink, for that matter.) :)

He threatened me with medication if it recurs, which for me truly is a threat if I want to have another baby soon. I am so, so grateful that the problem seems to have stopped, for the most part. I still have little blips here and there, but I think it's going to be just fine.

 

Race for the Cure

Another look at many people's reality came in October. Benjamin's angel-nurse Jaime, who is now one of my dearest friends, invited me to run the Race for the Cure with her. Her mom died from breast cancer when Jaime was 2, and she wanted to honor her.

It was an amazing experience to be part of this race. Jaime had a family emergency come up and had to go out of town that weekend, so I went ahead and did it in her mom's honor.

Nearly 46,000 people participated--it was one of those experiences I'll never forget.

Watching the "Parade of Survivors" was the best part. I was in awe of those brave, strong women who had beat cancer. I met one of them (see above, the one in the middle smiling at the camera) who had been in remission, but had recently discovered it was back. She had undergone a double dose of chemo the night before the race. She's married with two children still at home.

Wow. Am I spoiled.

 

Migraines

So I come to my last for-crying-out-loud-I-need-to-stop-taking-my-health-for-granted reminder. Ever since I had Hummer, I have been plagued with migraines that coincide with--well, you know, that monthly visit from Auntie Flo. Migraines that keep me in bed for hours and make me vomit. During a migraine I have  been known to wish for someone to just take a hammer to my head to relieve the pressure and put me out of my misery. No medication seems to even touch these babies.

But, they are ALWAYS gone after a day or two. And I get this new-lease-on-life feeling, and do just great for the next 4 weeks. I am grateful for these regular reminders that I am SO LUCKY to feel good for most of my life!

 

 

I am so, so grateful for the physical strength and well-being I have.

I have been blessed to never break a bone.

To deliver four beautiful sons.

To hike to the bottom of Grand Canyon and back up again.

To wake up pretty much every day feeling new energy.

To be able to take care of my beloved husband and family.

What an incredible blessing.