Friday, January 10, 2014

Dear Mom, Sometimes I’m like a broken vessel.

Week of December 30, 2013 – January 5, 2014010


After 5 years of being in the clear, I began to suffer a major depressive episode these past two weeks. It has been coming on for a while, but really hit the week of Rosebud’s birthday and Christmas. I am grateful for Elder Holland’s words comparing depression to high blood pressure and other physical ailments. I feel that it’s important to talk about it in a similar way. I wish there were a way to measure one’s serotonin levels, but believe me mine have been dangerously low. Thankfully I am under a doctor’s care and have begun a new medication. So far it has been a terribly uncomfortable adjustment but hopefully that will pass soon.

I plan to work very hard building up my strength so that I can be medication-free again in a free months: eating well, being more wise in not taking on more than I can handle, exercise, more social interaction, watching and correcting my thought patterns, and hopefully maybe even yoga. :)

I am so grateful this happened at a time when DC is home on break from school (his first real break in a year and a half!). He has been wonderful, taking on much of my normal work and making it possible for us to still have some good moments together as a family.


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On New Year’s Eve we finally got to finish Rosebud’s gingerbread house, much to my satisfaction (it was begun on her birthday but I had to go to bed early for reasons alluded to above and had felt badly ever since).

We also shared our goals with each other and played Balderdash. DC and the boys stayed up till midnight. It’s funny how that used to sound fun to me. :)

On New Year’s Day it snowed again, and we played a new game that was a Christmas gift – Forbidden Desert. It was so fun! A teamwork-type game with some individual role-playing.




Friday found us at the city pool for Fluffy to pass off his last requirement for 1st Class Scout. It was soothing to be in there where it felt like summer again. :) Exacto and DC were so awesome to help him, and it was fun to watch them all.




DC took the boys sledding with all their new gear from Santa. They had a BLAST. (I stayed home with Rosebud due to her suddenly having a fever.)




We had thick snow for much of the day Saturday. Fluffy and Hummer went out sledding again, but Rosebud was really sick. Her fever reached 103.9 and she was delirious. I have never had any of my babies do that before and it was scary. Luckily ibuprofen brought it down and she was still able to at least enjoy watching Mary Poppins.


I am so grateful for medical care for her, too! She’s on antibiotics and doing much better now.

Some reading I have done recently about depression that really helped my perspective is Segullah’s Roundtable series on the topic, found here.  I especially loved the first part of the section on Depression and Spirituality. It helps me to think of reaching for Christ. I know He understands me and loves me.

Thank you for your prayers and love, Mom! I love you.



Vauna said...[Reply to comment]

Sounds like some great times and special memories. I hope Rosebud is better. That must have been so scary.
Dear Michelle. You are so dear to me. I know this is a difficult time. You have an amazing outlook but I know it doesn't take the pain away you are feeling. I read Elder Holland's talk just a few nights ago. I love his insight on a subject so easily understood. I'm very proud of you. I hope it gets easier. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love.

Vauna said...[Reply to comment]


llamitanan said...[Reply to comment]

Oh, Michelle, thank you for sharing your innermost concerns. When a person has diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., it could be considered a somewhat "broken vessel." I'm grateful that you are under a doctor's care so that your vessel can be fixed. Know that you are loved very much by your mom.

Cathy said...[Reply to comment]

Love and miss you. Glad you've found a good doc. The cold and dark of winter are probably at least a small contributor. Keep warm and snuggle Rosy. Prayers

snbjork said...[Reply to comment]

You probably just need to see ME and then you'll feel all better! ;-) Ha! I can joke about it only because I know just what you're experiencing (in my own way, of course). Depression is the pits, literally. I am so impressed with your determination to find ways to not have to stay on the medication. I'm never that dedicated. I just want the medicine to fix me and it does. And it's an easy fix for me. I love you! You're such a wonderful example to me! P.S. I miss you!