Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Day 42 - {our celestial son}

goChristWithChild 001

                              Take My Hand, Greg Olsen

 

Today is Benjamin's second birthday in heaven. I can hardly believe that two years have passed since that most precious day of my life when I held him in my arms.

I am filled with memories of that day to the point that it seems like I could reach through the layers of time somehow. It feels like if I drove to the hospital, somehow I would see us there. The room is always filled with light in my mind.

 

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That day I knew that he didn't get to stay with us, and that at some point that most painful of experiences would come--having to say goodbye for this life. But I was still so happy at being with him--seeing how cute he was, putting my head against his soft head, watching Jaime clean and dress him, feeling heaven so close. I feel that he was watching as we kissed him and carefully dressed him in white.

 

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Each of my parents and sisters, and my brother Joseph, took a turn holding him. It is a testimony to me that the Spirit was very present that I felt no selfishness in letting them share the time. Although every time he was placed back in my arms I had a wave of relief and joy, the time I watched others holding him was also filled with joy. I know there were times that I cried, but most vivid to me is the memory of light and peace that seemed to cover me completely.

I want to express my gratitude for the beautiful experience of having a celestial son. The pain and grief that I have passed through because of the separation from him have been nearly unbearable at times. But I never would trade it for anything. I love him like I love my living sons--with a depth and completeness that I can't help; it's just part of me.

 

 

 

I rejoice in being a mother. I rejoice that I will get the opportunity to nurture and enjoy Benjamin someday. I rejoice in my Savior, who has shared my anguish and provided miraculous healing, and who will restore my son to me in due time.

And so, happy birthday in heaven, sweet Benjamin! I'm so grateful you're my son!

Love,

Mommy

 

“And the earth shall be given unto them for an inheritance; and they shall multiply and wax strong, and their children shall grow up without sin unto salvation. For the Lord shall be in their midst, and his glory shall be upon them, and he will be their king and their lawgiver.”

Doctrine and Covenants 45:58-59

100 days of gratitude tag

12 comments:

Andre said...[Reply to comment]

You are awesome. I hate to think that two years is coming my way, too.

David and Kaitlyn said...[Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday Benjamin!

Natalie.Rob.Branson said...[Reply to comment]

Thinking of you, your family, and Benjamin on this second birthday. I hope you feel him close as you cross this milestone.

Annalisa said...[Reply to comment]

loves & hugs!

Amy Kay said...[Reply to comment]

You are amazing! I love this post. Happy 2nd birthday to you, dear sweet Celestial Benjamin. Sending love and hugs your way, on this day. Thank you for posting these precious special photos for us to see and celebrate this day with you. Love you Michelle and family.

Becky said...[Reply to comment]

We, too, are grateful for sweet Benjamin. Happy Birthday to him, and lots of love to you all.

Karrot Soup said...[Reply to comment]

Thank you for posting, and happy heavenly birthday...(even if you did make me mist up).

Chris said...[Reply to comment]

Thank you, sweet 'Shell, for helping to make Benjamin's birthday so wonderful and special. I love being with you!!

little mama said...[Reply to comment]

Much love to you, Michelle. Just so much love.

Vauna said...[Reply to comment]

You are so amazing. Thank you for sharing such a personal and touching post. Thank you for sharing the beautiful photos. What an adorable nephew I have in heaven.
Happy Birthday Benjamin!

Cindy said...[Reply to comment]

That painting is one of my favorites, in fact I have it on my wall. When you posted, I looked closely at it and it's like Greg Olsen made it just for you! The profile of the boy looks like it could be Benjamin and the leaves are even fall colored. What a tender mercy of the Lord!

snbjork said...[Reply to comment]

You are such a beautiful mother, Michelle.