Day 42 - {our celestial son}

                              Take My Hand, Greg Olsen

 

Today is Benjamin's second birthday in heaven. I can hardly believe that two years have passed since that most precious day of my life when I held him in my arms.

I am filled with memories of that day to the point that it seems like I could reach through the layers of time somehow. It feels like if I drove to the hospital, somehow I would see us there. The room is always filled with light in my mind.

 

 

That day I knew that he didn't get to stay with us, and that at some point that most painful of experiences would come--having to say goodbye for this life. But I was still so happy at being with him--seeing how cute he was, putting my head against his soft head, watching Jaime clean and dress him, feeling heaven so close. I feel that he was watching as we kissed him and carefully dressed him in white.

 

 

Each of my parents and sisters, and my brother Joseph, took a turn holding him. It is a testimony to me that the Spirit was very present that I felt no selfishness in letting them share the time. Although every time he was placed back in my arms I had a wave of relief and joy, the time I watched others holding him was also filled with joy. I know there were times that I cried, but most vivid to me is the memory of light and peace that seemed to cover me completely.

I want to express my gratitude for the beautiful experience of having a celestial son. The pain and grief that I have passed through because of the separation from him have been nearly unbearable at times. But I never would trade it for anything. I love him like I love my living sons--with a depth and completeness that I can't help; it's just part of me.

 

 

 

I rejoice in being a mother. I rejoice that I will get the opportunity to nurture and enjoy Benjamin someday. I rejoice in my Savior, who has shared my anguish and provided miraculous healing, and who will restore my son to me in due time.

And so, happy birthday in heaven, sweet Benjamin! I'm so grateful you're my son!

Love,

Mommy

 

“And the earth shall be given unto them for an inheritance; and they shall multiply and wax strong, and their children shall grow up without sin unto salvation. For the Lord shall be in their midst, and his glory shall be upon them, and he will be their king and their lawgiver.”

Doctrine and Covenants 45:58-59